Author’s note: This post contains spoilers from the latest season of Game of Thrones.
If you’re looking to re-locate to the Game of Thrones world of Westeros soon, now’s your chance to find a gig: Time Recruitment and Online Ventures Group created an absolutely hilarious parody job website called Westeros Recruitment that features job listings for a number of open positions all around the Seven Kingdoms.
Since we won’t be able to feature any of these full-time jobs on WayUp anytime soon (it’s a bummer, we know), here are our top three favorites from Westeros Recruitment.
1. Personal Assistant to Bran Stark
Looks like Bran Stark is in need of a new sidekick (too soon?), so if you don’t mind being in imminent danger from time to time and can carry someone on your back with ease, this is the gig for you.
Another important note: According to the “Key Skills and Requirements” section, vocabulary isn’t essential. Hodor hodor hodor.
2. King in the North
Talk about the best job description ever: “As King in the North you will be charged with destabilizing the current regime and preserving the reputation and honor of the North.” The role calls for good organization skills, loyalty to the North, and strong links to Northern factions, but you’ll be put to the test with the last requirement of “willingness to behead enemies.”
The job only pays 200,000 Gold Dragons a year, which is low-balling a little bit in our opinion.
3. Apprentice at the House of Black and White
The main responsibilities for the role are as follows:
- Become no one
- Cleanse dead bodies
- Devote yourself to the Many Faced God of Death
- Assassinate when a name is given
Blending into your surroundings and being an excellent tactician are must-haves.
And if nothing else convinces you that these are the best jobs ever, Westeros Recruiting’s star testimonials will make you a believer. “Before getting in touch with Westeros Recruitment, I took some time out traveling on my gap year helping out the indigenous peoples of Essos,” says Daenerys Targaryen. “I was really worried I’d struggle to find work with no experience, but thanks to them I’ve found the career of a lifetime. Being Khaleesi is amazing!”
Sign us up.
